FIL told us a very unsettling story the other day. A family member’s cousin died from falling 21 stories from a construction site. That sucks to say the least. I’ve always been afraid of death but now that I have children of my own I am paralyzed by the thought of dying. Eternity doesn’t seem like enough time to spend with them. I lie awake at night wondering how I can keep them from going away to college or convince them to live at home forever whilst I continue to give them their bedtime bottles. I have even given husband specific directions on what to say and do with my lo’s if I die. I want them to know how much they were loved and adored. That they changed my world and softened my sharp edges.
Not sure about heaven, I would love to believe wholeheartdly but it seems to defy logic. Sure would make things easier to believe. I’m a firm believer, however, that “everything does not always happen for a reason” so it looks like Iike I’m shit out of luck when it comes to finding some comfort in death. Oh where oh where did that good Catholic girl go that trusted and never questioned? I think she departed right around the time she found out that the priest that married her was sexually abusing young boys and women didn’t always have the children they wanted when they wanted them.
Ah well, a little bitter disapointment traded in for some self realization isn’t too bad of a trade off.
“How did it go so fast, she said as she was looking back and then we’ll understand we held golddust in our hands” Tori Amos
preaching to the choir! I’m already stressing about them getting their drivers license!
I worry about me dying, my hub dying, something horrible happening to them…
i feel almost like i need to go on meds. i’m not joking in the slightest! (i wish i was!)